2015

This year was one of the hardest I've ever had to face. My uncle dying is the first big death that has ever hit me. He was the uncle Jesse to my Michelle, the guy who always kept us laughing, the stern, but incredibly loving, presence in my life. He was, and will always be, my favourite uncle. 

Looking back, that part was one of the only bad things in my year. But the hugeness of it overshadows everything else that happened. It's as if every bright and shining moment is a little dulled because he's not here. This holiday season is so hard to get through, because Christmas has always been a time we spend together.  I find myself avoiding taking photos since it's too empty without him. Although we have two new babies in our family this year (!!), there are still times, four months after his passing, that I look at the twins and I'm sad that they'll never really know him. 

But this year has been a year of discovery. Dealing with losing someone I love so much, has made me really think of what's important to me.

I've found that I don't need so many things to make me happy, I've found that I'm actually really good at my job, I've found that I'm growing up and learning to deal with things better. I've found that I don't suck that bad, but I do hold myself back all the time.

I have a lot of dreams, but I'm often fearful of what will happen if I can't make them come to fruition. I'm afraid of how others will react, or how it will affect them. I find that just the idea of all the work to get these dreams to come true is overwhelming. I'm scared that I'll find that I'm inadequate and just not good enough. I've avoided a lot of challenges -- being content with being comfortable, but what this year has taught me is that I can't keep holding off on living a life that I want. Maybe my dreams won't come true, but maybe some will -- the point is to do something about them. So 2016 will be a year of setting goals, and hopefully achieving them.

Professionally, I'll begin my road towards my accounting designation, and just focus on killing it at my job, earning promotions whenever they come (though whether or not I accept them is a matter of what's best for me and what makes me happy). Spiritually, I'll be partaking in my first World Youth Day, and hopefully finding more peace in the pilgrimage. Lifestyle-wise, I plan on streamlining my possessions, and life in general, to the things I really need and the things that really make me happy. I want to focus more on the way I treat others. I want to be a person that people are happy to know. 

And I think I want to blog.